Advice from a paranoid schizophrenic.

Advice from a paranoid schizophrenic.

A story or two.

Many years ago, when I was on the psych ward there was this one mature adult man who was depressed.

They were trying out group therapy , where the inmates could spread their diseased thoughts and ideas to one another. The more the merrier.

The theme was things we look forwards to in the future.

I can’t remember if I got my chance. I would have probably told of getting to play computer/video games once again.

The one mature adult who I mentioned in the start got his chance to speak, and he spoke of a specific date he was going to kill himself.

We all went “Woah”, and the therapy-meeting was disbanded.

Later on , on some random day the suicidal mature adult man had turned the piece of shit TV on and was trying to get a station.

The TV was unstable, so he got angry and hit the side of the box.

I observed another patient in the back with a device in his hand. He had a $20.00 multi TV remote jammer.

I confronted the TV jammer guy and said “I saw what you did!”.

He quickly made the tiny device disappear and protested his innocence.

I had no proof of his messing with the TV to anger the depressed guy. I couldn’t do anything.

If the depressed guy had got angry enough to break the TV, the nurses (in charge of the ward) and the hospital would not have been happy with a broken TV.

So my idea that the patient with a remote control jammer as an agent of psychiatry is questionable.

But indeed the TV jammer “patient” who was amused by manipulating the depressed guy to an outburst of anger may have been helping him, as the depressed guy was getting his internal depression transformed to outside physical (healthy) anger .

I don’t know what was going on and I never will, just be aware that you may be being played/manipulated for others amusement, or for your “health”. Maybe its good, maybe its bad, God/Devil knows the answer.

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Myself (recently) after I moved to my new place, I had an incident.

I had no space for my bike. I decided to keep it outside in view of my window.

One day I took it for a spin and as I rode down the street one of the peddles with the metal angle that connects it to the axle fell off.

I laughed.

I got off and I found two critical bolts removed from the bike. Two special 9/16 bolts. Out of all the vandalism a thief or crazy person could do, they chose these special  bolts.  Luckily I had an inventory of bike parts and could replace the bolts and have a working bike.

No it just didn’t fall off as things become noticeably loose first. And more importantly two bolts would not loosen, then turn several times to come off the bolt and disappear at the same moment in time along with the weather resistant plastic cap that makes it look good.

What was the tricksters message? He had stolen my nuts (bolts)?
What motivated him to go to the trouble, as it must have been difficult to do when it was locked to a fence? It is one of the tightest bolts on a bike to loosen , a bolt with a reversed thread. Along with having the specific tool.

Well since I had the replacement parts the joke was on him I guess.

My New Electric Bike

I have successfully made a new electric bike.

2009 version.

2009 third electric bike. Gear ratio excellently matched. Works good, but has several drawbacks. Weight and bulkiness.

Late 2008 second bike . Electric assisted. Highly inefficient gear ratio, but worked as in the motor spun the wheel.

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2007 First bike. 100% electric no peddles. Several runs. Axle broke from torque.

Canada Day Parade!

I caught the end of the local parade.

brass band

we Canadains be pirates!

teen band. sounded good. Stevie Ray Vaughan style

dancing up a storm!!!

the end

http://westislandgazette.com/news/7809

Canada Day parade will hit streets in Pierrefonds

Citizens convince council to reinstate July 1 event

Karen Seidman
The Gazette

“The Canada Day parade is back and patriotism is alive and well in Pierrefonds.

After many residents expressed outrage when borough officials announced the parade would be cancelled this year, the council decided to look at the issue again and has decided to reinstate the parade and continue providing $20,000 to keep it going.”

Lots of people were there. The privately owned traveling fair-circus-rides I’m sure is making money.

All those people bought stuff , so I’m sure it generated money flow.

Can’t touch this…Happy Canada Day!

You can’t touch this!

Happy Canada Day!

Garbage in River/Lake

I was at the water this morning and someone had thrown there (broken) phone into the river/lake.

He/she is a moron as the phone is full of hazardous materiels.

If people believe the river/lake is already polluted, they will and do justify their actions of dumping by saying it was already polluted.

This is how garbage collects in spaces. People see garbage so think my additional garbage won’t matter.

The metal in the phone might just corrode and rust, or it might add heavy metal poisoning to the water.

The battery , the chemicals in the battery might have reached the end of their chemical reactivity, but WHEN they leak out of the capsule they are in, they will poison the water.

I would like to stuff this phone down the persons throat. See if they can eat it like they think the river/lake can.

Its all lies from cowards

The Doctor can’t tell the patient they are obese, they are eating too much in relation to the work they are doing.

Tell me what you don’t like. Tell me what is wrong you coward. I can’t communicate? You can’t communicate your wishs.

Then you make me and all other “schizophrenics” worse, less likely to communicate or think rationally by forcing mind altering-disabling drugs on them. Brilliant. You are going to make brains work better by stuffing a chemical knife in them. Right.

The psychiatrist can’t call me crazy , for staring off in space, he thinks I’m hallucinating. I am thinking motherfucker. I am imagining. The psychiatrist doesn’t like me ignoring him. Fuck you motherfucker. Tell me to my face you coward , tell me to my face what you think is wrong. I’m paranoid to think I’m being persecuted? Fuck you motherfucker. I’m in a prison I can’t call a prison I have to call it a hospital. I have to take poisons you call medicines. Fuck you coward, punch me in the face for doing things you don’t like, don’t be a coward and call your punches euphemistic “medicine”. You fucking worm.
You want a reaction? I’m fucking angry from your bullshit you sadistic dumb fuck.
Ahh here comes the Thorazine for my schizophrenia.

I will allow the question.

http://bipolarblast.wordpress.com/2009/06/27/quote-of-the-day-82/#comment-24835

giannakali  2009 June 29
this is not an appropriate place to deal with prejudice against fat people Mark, I will not allow it.
…
this rampant disgust and hatred and BLAME for people who are obese is offensive and disgusting to me.
sharing a rare and bizarre story is hardly something that can be generalized to the masses.
obesity is very complex and what you are exhibiting is a sort of prejudice against fat people. Fat phobia…I will not allow this discussion to go further on my blog.

“hatred and BLAME”?

Where is my hatred? I have no hatred. Morbidly obesity is a problem we(society) can’t ignore.

I was asking “who’s fault is it?” as in BLAME yes I was.

If no one is at fault, the condition will never stop.
I think whos fault is a legitimate question, when someone is so big they can’t feed themselves , walk or sit on a (350 pound weight rated) toilet. Can’t be brought to hospital, saved if in a fire, fit in a medical device, fit in a coffin-cemetary plot.

“rare and bizarre” I don’t think so.
http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/big-medicine/about.html

http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3153335
So many things I don’t understand about how this ‘hospital’ works. Dennis weighs 700+ lbs and has been there for 4 years and still weighs 700+ lbs! Why is he still there? If this is really more of a nursing home, I wish they would call it that.

http://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2009/06/its-difficult-to-treat-the-morbidly-obese.html
“As more Americans are crossing the threshold into morbid obesity, expect this phenomenon to only become prevelant in the hospital setting.”
11 comments

http://allbleedingstops.blogspot.com/2009/06/obesity-is-malignant-disease-redux.html
“We see lots of bariatrics these days, I’m sorry to say.”
21 comments

http://www.epmonthly.com/whitecoat/2009/06/transporting-morbidly-obese-patients/
“No we can’t transport your body in the coroner’s vehicle because you’re too large.” Patients need to understand that sometimes there are consequences to their actions. In some cases, providers will have to get the job done with what’s available to us, and you may not be happy with the results. In other cases, patients may not be able to receive appropriate treatment. What happens if a 750 pound person passes out on the second floor apartment and there is no elevator? What if it happens in a rural location and there are not enough volunteer EMTs to lift the patient?
56 Responses

Wrong Methodology

Wrong Methodology
In regular medicine, disease is found and killed as the enemy to the human body.
In psychiatry the same method of force does not work on the metaphorical “disease”.

The “disease” is the troubled person. The flesh is healthy.
Persuasion to see things differently through communication and understanding is the proper method of treating mental disorders.

When a patient is tortured by psychiatric methods of jail and chemicals for a supposed medical illness, they the patient are an (morally) innocent being, being unjustly punished.

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Many people are relieved of their guilt once diagnosed “mentally ill”.

From Coming Out Crazy by Sandy Naiman

She was the eldest of six children, all under the age of 10. “I vaguely remember my grandparents saying that part of my mother’s problem was her children – us, too many of us – and I think this could have been the genesis of my guilt, that just by being alive, around, I was a problem for my mom,” Lisa said.

Despite having these feelings, Lisa, now 52, was able to follow her dream of being in radio, like her uncle CBC’s Harry Brown, one of the original co-hosts with Barbara Frum of the groundbreaking CBC radio show As It Happens. She started in private radio and ultimately ending up with CBC in Thunder Bay, where she’s happily married a second time and has raised her two sons. About 12 years ago at a family reunion with her five siblings, she discovered that two of her four sisters were also struggling with depression.

Until then, she had never told a soul about her feelings of guilt and inadequacy. “That would not make me ‘cool’ and I was terrified of being found out as weird. I don’t confide in friends easily. I’m more of a listener,” she said.

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Troubles and feelings are no longer (the person-patients) them(themselves), but an external disease. An external enemy to be medically treated.

Maybe its good to be talking of ones feelings, rational or insane.

Maybe insanity doesn’t exist, it is just our guilt, desire, greed, and anger that have successfully lied to ourselves.

Feelings are not a disease.

Furious Seasons reporting on hearings on Seroquel “Emotions cause chemical changes in the brain not the other way around.”

But with the force of chemicals, it can go the other way around.

You can’t force someone into CBT cognative behaviour therapy, they have to want to go. The same as any successful addiction treatment for an addiction patient. It won’t “take” if the person does not want to change their ways-view of life.

Soulful Sepulcher comment

Stephany at her blog Soulful Sepulcher

wrote

“thank you for your insight Mark, you definitely are to be admired by everyone”

The compliment of “admire by everyone” makes me wince. I did not intend, do not intend to be admired, and say I KNOW the answers to making people well.  I am by my standards a failure as I do not earn an income from a job.

I am just trying to tell the North Wind and Sun story of persuasion is better than force.

You can’t force (make) someone to be well, they have to chose it.

Maybe that is the answer.

“Over the next decade, he continued to wander the campus, working independently on mathematical problems. Some time in the 1980s, he finally overcame his mental illness, learning to reject the voices that he heard in his head. His recovery was gradual, but allowed him to slowly become mentally fit, allowing him to regain a role in society. He said that his recovery was as a result of his decision to think rationally.” from http://www.freeinfosociety.com/article.php?id=101

Winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics in 1994 John Forbes Nash Jr

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Example of the insanity of overdrinking

They gave drunks a room and the ability to drink, and some got better and it was less costly than the North Winds method of  force.

from Furious Seasons

A new study came out in JAMA this week detailing whether the concept of “Housing First,” as it’s known, had any impact (here’s an AP piece on the study). The 98 street drunks whom the study tracked had cost the public $4,066 a month prior to entering 1811 and afterwards they cost $1,492 a month after six months in the facility and $958 a month after 12 months. That’s a pretty big savings and, oddly enough, some of the residents began to drink less. Some even got sober. (Some also died.)

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Example of help and kindness given to drug addicts, (understanding) instead of a beating.

Insite.

Insite is the first legal supervised injection site in North America.

Over a one-year period, Insite counsellors made more than 4,084 referrals, with close to 40 per cent of those to addiction counselling. People using Insite are more likely to enter detox, with one in five regular visitors beginning a detox program. The facility also cut down on deaths from overdoses.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insite

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I fully respect the current social order , as they take responsibility of the “mentally ill” and the work of feeding, washing and bedding of very difficult people, not criminals, but needing help.

Michael Jackson + Farrah Fawcett Die

Love:

Farrah

“Kate Jackson said she would remember Fawcett’s “kindness, her cutting, dry wit and, of course, her beautiful smile. Today when you think of Farrah remember her smiling because that is exactly how she wanted to be remembered, smiling.”

Fawcett became a sensation in 1976 as one-third of the crime-fighting trio in “Charlie’s Angels.” A poster of her in a clingy, red swimsuit sold in the millions and her full, layered hairstyle became all the rage, with girls and women across America mimicking the look.”

Michael

“I really like watching how Michael Jackson moves and sings. He was a real born POP STAR. He will surely be missed all through out the world. He was a legend. RIP.”
–Agnes, Papua New Guinea

Cynical :

“Two more tiny bubbles of celebrity burst. Two people whom I never met have passed, and all around me, I’m watching folks mourn.”

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Buddhism

“To live, you must suffer. It is impossible to live without experiencing some kind of suffering. We have to endure physical suffering like sickness, injury, tiredness, old age and eventually death and we have to endure psychological suffering like loneliness, frustrations, fear, embarrassment, disappointment, anger, etc.”

The reason children are happy I believe is they are largely innocent of the knowledge of the horror of life.

As we became adults the laughter and enjoyment one has, severely declines. People liked Michael Jackson + Farrah Fawcett for the good times they once had with the performers, good times that are now elusive and harder to come across, the older we get.

Life is work. Emotional, Physical, Social, Spiritual, Intellectual.
Work to find and cook food. Work to pay for our house. Work to  find a mate. Work to keep in our families graces. Etc-era.

An entertainer is to help people enjoy life, life of beyond bare sustenance existence.

Michael Jacksons work did that, Farrah Fawcetts also.

They added to the enjoyment of the world .

Cynics that say their death is no less important than an unknown starving childs, is true, but we don’t know that starving child, and that innocent starving child is in another country. Her/his death is not our direct responsibility. It is a crazy and cruel world, hard to find good things to enjoy in it amongst the war, famine, disease and pestilence.

Entertainers even if too vain are better than the four horsemen.